This has EASILY been the most boring tournament in the history of tournaments to this point. I’m talking all tournaments: Men’s, Women’s, Jeopardy Tournament of Champions, 7 year old girls soccer playoffs - all are more entertaining than the shit taco that is the 2009 Men’s Division Un Basketball Tourney.
This tournament has been so boring and soooo predictable that I in fact was so bored the other day that I actually read a story about how Liverpool drew Chelsea in the Champions League quarters on Saturday… And a hush fills the room.
Yes, I preferred to spend roughly 180 seconds of typically precious March Madness tournament time - time usually reserved kneeling at my custom constructed altar to Greg Gumbel - to read about Soccer’s equivalent of selection Sunday.
In case you were living under a rock for the first weekend of the tourney, well you didn’t miss much.
North Carolina and Uconn showed up and looked like 8th graders playing 4th Graders (Uconn didn’t even need its coach), Pitt and Louisville both had scares, but still advanced. The 2s and 3s all advanced, and only 12th seeded Arizona and 5th seeded Purdue broke chalk - I guess.
You read that right - FIFTH seeded Purdue and Ari-freaking-zona are the closest thing to Cinderella this year’s tourney has to offer.
The 4 upsets that actually did occur were even boring. There were 3 5-12 upsets that that douche bag to the cubicle to your right tells you you have to pick every year (meaning you’ll have to hear that same B-S again next year. Those included PAC-10 underachiever Arizona beating Mountain West Utah, boring Wisconsin beating Florida State, and the one actual exciting game of the first round - Western Kentucky beating Illinois.
The one really huge upset of the tournament? 13th seeded Cleveland State annihilated 4th seeded Wake Forest in a game that was out of hand so quickly that the viewing audience had to sit through boring Horizon League basketball matched up against a Wake Forest team that quit early.
All of this of course comes a year after the first one on one on one on one Final Four in history.
Snooooooooooooooze!!!
However, there is room for optimism.
I can only hope that the high quality of teams remaining at least means that we may only one (or even none) number ones in the Final Four. Really, for the first time in a long time, every number one and number two has a tough Sweet Sixteen and Final Four ahead of them.
There is no Western Kentucky this year, no Southern Illinois, no early 2000s Gonzaga, no Bradley, no Wichita State. None of that.
For the first time in a looooong time no Number One is safe. Even Louisville, the one of ones, the one squad that gets a crack at a twelve seed, will have to deal with a Pac-10 team with Pac-10 talent that was recruited by one of the greatest coaches of all time.
Still, no easy task.
If there is any saving grace to this tournament - any redemption, the number ones will fall this weekend. I’m willing to sacrifice a boring first weekend for a white-knuckle-sweaty-palmed second weekend that is chalk full of upsets (even if they are mild ones).
