Scorsese for Heisman!

As the page begins to turn on 2008 its only natural to reflect on who excelled over the past year. In the next few weeks college football will determine its best on the field (well, sorta), while the entertainment industry rewards its greats of the past year at the Golden Globes and about six weeks later at the Oscars.

Seeing as the BCS and the beginning of Awards Seasons play out at the same time, its only natural to fuse art and athletics by comparing the men in charge. Here are the 10 coaches whose teams will play in the BCS and the directors they are most comparable to:

Urban Meyer - Sam Mendes

You should know Urban Meyer as the current head coach of the national finalist Florida Gators. At age 42, Meyer was at the helm in 2006 when the Gators won it all, and last year coached a 9-3 squad that featured Heisman trophy winner Tim Tebow. Before coming to Florida, Meyer coached Utah and eventual first overall pick Alex Smith to a Fiesta Bowl win over Pitt.

Sam Mendes also has a title in his pocket - the 1999 Best Director Oscar for American Beauty. The award made him the third youngest director to ever win the award. Since then, Mendes has directed quality films like Road to Perdition and Jarhead. Like Meyer, Mendes should also be in contention for his second title this year as Revolutionary Road starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet is expected to garner a slew of nominations.

Bob Stoops - Oliver Stone

Stoops, of course, is the other coach headed to the National Championship after guiding his Oklahoma squad to a 12-1 record this season. Although Stoops has racked up six Big 12 titles (including three straight) and won a national title in 2000, he is often criticized for his team's recent epic failures in BCS games, including an embarrassing 20 point loss to West Virginia last year.

Like Stoops, Stone's resume is undoubtedly impressive - Best Director wins for Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July and a nom for JFK. However Stone's incredibly over-the-top directing style also yields its fair share of epic failures like Alexander, Any Given Sunday, and U-Turn.

Props to both for their achievements so far, but another bomb for Stone and another BCS dud for Stoops could very well make each into nothing more than a punchline.

Joe Paterno - Clint Eastwood

Joe Paterno is almost 82, has two national titles, and has led his 2008 Penn State team to a Rose Bowl.

Clint Eastwood is 78, has two statues (Unforgiven, Million Dollar Baby), and in 2008 directed two movies (Changeling, Gran Torino) that will be hounded with Oscar buzz.

Both of these men embody the toughened, weathered work ethic forged in the Great Depression. Both of these men are legends. Both of these men still scare the crap out of me.

Pete Carroll - Steven Spielberg

Each of these men are legends in their craft. Pete Carroll has led his SoCal Trojans to two national titles, and to another title game. Steven Spielberg has won Best Director for Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. Both have also had some monumental failures - Spielberg bombed with AI (practice?), The Terminal, and the still painful Indiana Jones 4, while Carroll bombed in the NFL. However, both are legends still in their prime and both will continue to crank out masterpieces for at least another decade. Plus, after Matt Leinart quits the NFL and jumps to the world of film, both may be able to say they coached a Heisman winner.

Mack Brown - Martin Scorsese

Until a few years ago these men were tired, wounded, scarred souls who had dedicated their lives to their passions. However in 2005, a man named Vince Young arrived and led Brown's Texas squad to the promised land. After coming so close so many times, and getting edged out by Oklahoma, Brown finally had the championship to hang his hat on.

In 2006, ummm rationality showed up and finally - FINALLY rewarded Martin Scorsese with a Best Director Oscar for The Departed. Scorsese could have easily won for the five other films he had previously been nominated for, but each time was edged out by another director's masterpiece. Perhaps Brown wasn't quite as deserving as Scorsese was, but then again how many people ever have been?

Jim Tressel - Fred Zinnemann

I had to dig back a long time to find a director even relatively comparable to Ohio State coach Jim Tressel.

As you are likely aware, Tressel's Buckeyes won it all back in 2002 over Miami, but the past two years have been destroyed on the National Championship stage.

Fred Zinnemann won a statue for directing From Here to Eternity in 1953, but then had to suffer two consecutive losses in 1959 and 1960 for The Nun's Story and The Sundowners, respectively.

The good news for Tressel though is that Zinnemann was able to recover and win for A Man of All Seasons in 1966. The OSU faithful are hoping that prophecy eventually rings true.

Kyle Whittingham - Danny Boyle

Many of you are saying "who?" in regards to both of these gentlemen, and that's fine. Kyle Whittingham is the head coach of the undefeated Utah Utes who will run into Alabama in the Fiesta Bowl. Danny Boyle is the director of 2008's surprise film Slumdog Millionaire.

This is a fitting comparison as both men got a lot out of an unheralded cast this year. Boyle guided a group of unknowns to a Golden Globe nod, and Whittingham guided - well a group of unknowns to a BCS bowl. Both men are also relative unknowns, but all that is sure to change in the coming weeks.

Nick Saban - Mel Gibson

I'm going to try not to be prejudiced here. Gibson has a trophy for Braveheart, Saban has a ring with LSU. Both men are very talented, and are still producing great efforts: Saban got his team to the SEC title game, Gibson's Apocalypto is thus far one of the most underrated films of the decade.

However, both are highly controversial. Gibson was ostracized by many after making The Passion of the Christ - a film with, at best, questionable depictions of Jews, and then ostracized almost everyone else a few years later by barraging a police officer with anti-semitic remarks in a drunken stupor. Saban, on the other hand, jumped from a good situation at LSU for the Miami Dolphins and then turned around and lied his way out of Miami before ending up in Alabama. Gibson has largely disappeared from the public eye the past few years, many wish Saban would do the same.

Brian Kelly - Tony Gilroy

Both men have evolved from relative obscurity to all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips status almost over night. Kelly has transformed Cincinnati from doormat to Big East Champion, while Gilroy went from action flick director to Oscar nominee for Michael Clayton last year. Both men have their flaws, Gilroy's trademark shaky-cam fight sequences in the Bourne series are often unwatchable, just as most of the Big East is unwatchable.

However, both men have seen their careers skyrocket the past couple years. Kelly has been named as a possible replacement for nearly every head coach vacancy around the nation, while Gilroy has parlayed his success into more prominent projects like Duplicity and State of Play which will feature Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Jason Bateman. Both of these names will be around for a long time to come.

Frank Beamer - M. Night Shyamalan

In 1999 both men busted on the scene. Beamer's Mike Vick led Hokies charged all the way to the national title game before losing to Florida State. Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense suspensed viewers enough to earn him a nod, before ultimately losing out to Mendes in the director category.

Since then, both have teased often and appeased little. Beamer ball now resembles a one trick pony bent on waiting for a special teams turnover, while a Shyamalan film is only a bizzare circumstance that unfolds in an unlikely twist. Has there been a more disappointing team than Va Tech or a more disappointing director than Shyamalan in the past 10 years?

Football coaches being compared to film directors, WHAT A TWIST!!!

Joe Pa For 3 More Years

I think it was a great idea to give Joe Paterno a 3 year extension at the age of 82, because age is only a number, not a state of mind.

Signed,
Jamie Moyer and Julio Franco

Hey Auburn.....SHUT UP!!!!

OK, I have just a small bone to pick with some of the Auburn fans that might not be "Chizzing" themselves over the hiring of Iowa St. coach Gene Chizik, my response.....SHUT UP!!! Did no one decide to read the guy's resume......2 undefeated seasons as a Defensive Coordinator (one on your team!!!!) the other being the 2005 Texas National Championship team.

He has struggled as the head coach at Iowa St., but let's be honest, you could put a team of coaches from Bear Bryant to Lou Holtzzzzz and they would struggle to get Iowa St. to 6-6. So don't crucify the guy for jumping to a higher paying job that just so happened to be a very bad situation, I would look at the hiring of a guy who coached some great defenses instead of a bad Iowa St.


Please step back from your computer screen
during this video to avoid being spit on.

I will make one comment against the coaching decision and that is the fact that ANOTHER major program has passed on Buffalo head coach Turner Gill. While I always try to see the best in everybody, I can not find another reason for him to not have a big job other than the fact that he is African American. In a year where we elected an African American President, it is still an issue when it comes to head coaches in the BCS, which remains at 1(Randy Shannan of The U)

What makes it worse is that self proclaimed legend/Dwayne Wade's father, Charles Barkley, has come out and stated that Auburn approached him for his advice on a new basketball coach 3 years ago, and ignored his recommendation of Mike Davis. This is one of the most startling things I have ever heard come out of Charles Barkley's mouth in awhile, yes, that is correct, the guy who came out and said his gambling debt was more than what 78% of Americans will make in a lifetime.

Yes....more startling than this

I wish the Turner Gill situation was an isolated incident, but sad to say, it isn't. Florida defensive coordinator Charlie Strong has been a finalist for many of the coaching jobs around the country and many people attribute the fact that he is part of an inter-racial marriage as the reason he has not received any job offers. Again, I am not accusing, I am just stating the fact,but you all know the saying....if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, odds are, its a duck.

When guys like Strong and Gill go through another season without a BCS conference coaching jobs, it just dumbfounds me. I hope that there are other reasons surrounding these 2 not having head coaching jobs and wish these coaches the best of luck with their on-going search.


Just to break the tension a little

Big-12 Basketball Season Preview

With the college basketball season in full swing right now, we are beginning to see the true colors of certain teams. Teams that have begun to prove themselves legitimate, pretenders or the next Cinderella story.

One team that has proven them self as a legitimate power house are the Texas Longhorns. Texas has already taken on some of the nation's best such as, Notre Dame, Villanova and UCLA, losing to only Notre Dame by 1. The return of sharp shooting guards A.J. Abrams and Damion James make Texas my pre-conference play favorite to win the Big-12.

Oklahoma is another favorite to take the conference, but Oklahoma has yet to prove their legitimacy to me. While they are 10-0, they have struggled to put away teams such as George Washinton and USC. I still feel this team will be a 30 game winner, but still has not proven it to the country. Other teams that have not fully proven their legitimacy are Texas A and M and Baylor.

Now for the pretender in the conference........THE KANSAS JAYHAWKS. Coming off an incredible national championship run, this team has stumbled out of the gates pretty badly. With pretty much home losses to Syracuse and UMass, I just don't see this team being the team everyone thought it would be.

With a national title victory in their back pocket, the "Rock Chalk" nation will still continue their streak of annoyance and continue to jizz their pants over stars like Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich. Look for the team and fans to face a stone cold reality early in Big-12 play, that rebuilding in Lawrence has begun.



Now the Cinderella team in the conference this year, WILL be the Missouri Tigers. I know it has taken awhile Tiger nation, but the "40 minutes of hell" have begun to melt the cold off of the rafters and will put Mizzou in post-season play for the first time in 5 years. With incredible play from such diaper dandies as Marcus Denman, Kim English, Miguel Paul and Keith Ramsey, the Tigers will be very explosive and deep off the bench.

With Leo Lyons and Demarre Carroll looking like the second coming of Neon Bodeaux. The Tigers will be a force to reckoned with this year in the Big-12 and a possible 25-26 win team, which will ship the Tigers to the NCAA tournament this season.



Final Standings
1. Texas
2. Oklahoma
3. Baylor
4. Missouri
5. Texas A & M
6. Kansas
7. Oklahoma St.
8. Texas Tech
9. Nebraska
10. Kansas St.
11. Iowa St.
12. Colorado

HE IS the MAN...

...but should he be???

Despite not taking the lion's share of first place votes, Sam Bradford beat out Tim Tebow and Colt McCoy to take home the Heisman Trophy. Meaning he now has one more Heisman than OJ.

Tebow actually had 9 more first-place votes, but Bradford racked up 86 more votes than second-place finisher Colt McCoy. It is the closest Heisman result since former Rams legend Eric Crouch beat out another Gator QB - Rex Grossman. Tebow finished third.

To be honest, Sam Bradford is without a doubt the best quarterback in the country. He will enter the NFL (probably next fall) and will eventually be an elite passer. However, he should not have won the Heisman.

Colt McCoy led his team in both passing and rushing this year. Mind you, Texas was essentially a coin flip and a blowout over Missouri away from playing for the title next month. McCoy led a team that wasn't expected to do much (in Texas terms) to a first-place ranking, and three consecutive wins over top ten teams. Most importantly: he was THE guy.

Bradford quarterbacked an offense with DeMarco Murray, Juaquin Iglesias, Jemaine Gresham, and a superior offensive line. Again, not to knock on Bradford, I think he is the most polished QB, and the best NFL QB prospect in the country right now (remember in August when that was suppossed to be Cullen Harper and Curtis Painter?).

McCoy quarterbacked an offense with productive wideouts, but at times his offensive line looked easier to penetrate than Paris Hilton. McCoy's ability to step up in the pocket and either fire a bullet or sprint for a first down was the key to success for Texas this season.

I wonder who would be carrying away the Heisman had the BCS swung Texas's way.

I defended the BCS when it chose Oklahoma, it was a three-way tie, a BCS vote is no less inconsequential than going to a net point stat or coin flip like in the NFL. However, this is indefensible.

What's even worse is that Pat White actually got three first place votes. That's John Travolta gay.

Pat White? Three people honestly thought Pat White was a better player than Sam Bradford, Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, Shonn Greene, Graham Harrell, or Michael Crabtree??????

How much did those votes hurt Tebow and McCoy?

In the end, I really think McCoy got the short end of the stick. Was he the better quarterback - no. That's for the Davey O'Brien award to decide. The Heisman should go to the most valuable player and Colt McCoy is without a doubt the most valuable.

Where would Texas have been without McCoy this year? They'd be right where they were essentially without McCoy last year - The Holiday Bowl. Where would Oklahoma be without Sam Bradford? True, they'd probably be busy not working at an auto dealership with Rhet Bomar, but they'd still be Big 12 champs.

Colt McCoy got hosed, and I want Jack McCoy to investigate.

Coffman Brings Home the Hardware

Last night Chase Coffman was awarded the John Mackey Award, which is they end of the season award given the the nation's top tight end. As a card carrying member of the Mizzou nation, I can not think of a guy that is more deserving of this type of recognition. Chase Coffman has been one of the toughest, hard working players on this team over the past 4 years, and it has paid off in his senior season. Not only did Coffman win the Mackey award, he also captured the NCAA record of most receptions by a tight end in a career and already held the school record for TD receptions by a player coming into the season. Coffman also led the Big-12/5th in the NCAA in receptions per game(7.9) and was 6th in the Big-12/20th in the NCAA in receiving yards per game. Coffman's numbers will more than likely fall short of the 1000 yard marker due to the fact he has played sparingly over the team's last four games due to an injury. Had he been healthy, I'm sure he would have made an even bigger trail of dust in front of future tight end's who will challenge his records. The guy has been, in my opinion, the face of this program over the past four years, whether he was pulling down jump balls in the corner of the endzone or performing his ever so famous hurdles(dude just jumps over people). Coffman deserves everything that he has coming to him at the end of the season, which has included the tight end of the year award and a Walter Camp All-American nod, not to mention come April, where he is almost a sure thing to be drafted in the 2nd round or better. And if you don't believe the hype, check out the footage.

Drunk's Winner's of the Week- Week of December 7th

OK, I can't even begin where to start when it comes to all of the shit that has hit the fan for some teams this week, but let's try and do our best.

My first "winner" or should I say "winner's" are the Williams cousins, Pat and Kevin. Although not really cousins, they do share something in common, they ain't playing the next 4 weeks. Due to a positive test to a banned diuretic and a court's decision to uphold the suspension the NFL handed out, the Vikings will be without their 2 best run stopping defenders. This coming with 3 weeks and 1/2 of a game lead on Da' Bears.........DA BEARS!!!! O not even to mention the fact that their last 3 games include @ Arizona, Atlanta and THE G-MEN!!! By the way, all 3 of those teams are playoff caliber teams.

My first winner are Da Bears.........DA BEARS!!!! With not only the story I mentioned before, the Bears picked up a huge win over the New Orleans Saints last night riding the foot of Robbie "Solid As" Gould to a 27-24 victory in OT. Now with the Williams' out for the remainder of the season, and the Bears with a home game against the Packers and the season finale against the Texans, the Bears find themselves in control of their own destiny.

WHY ARE WE SO BLESSED?!?!?!

My next "winner" of the week is the Dallas Cowboys, a team that in the last week, could not have shot themselves in the foot any worse than.......Plaxico Burress I suppose. First off, Jerry Jones calling out a guy who, after some character traits have begun to surface, I can honestly say is the heart soul of that team in Marion Barber. Then you have to(T.O.....thanks Rome) claiming that Tony Romo and Jason Whitten are linked together in a scandal that would make Richard Nixon gasp. Apparently T.O. thinks that Romo and Whitten are conspiring against him and other WR and purposely not throwing them the ball, and instead throwing it to Jason Whitten. Yeah, I believe that less than I believe the show you put on when the media criticized your "QB" last year and you wept like a 5 year old girl that didn't get the right Barbie on Christmas. Just to clear things up, this is coming from a guy who catches maybe 50% of the balls that go his way and still has 55 catches and will surely surpass the 1000 yard marker. ALSO!!! Pacman Jones suffered possibly a career ending injury, put that all on your shoulders and carry that into a game this week against the best team in the NFC.



Due to a lack of good things that occured this week, I will jump right into my last 2 "winners" the first being the Heisman Trophy committee. I am not going to dwell on this alot because I already wrote about it earlier, but not inviting Graham Harrell is terrible and a disgrace. Yeah, I know he's a hick and probably not the most marketable guy on the face of the earth, but there is not a single argument you could make against this guy. His coach and personal(wishfull) friend of mine Mike Leach commented on the snub by saying, "if Graham is not invited to the Heisman, they ought to quit giving out the award. It is a shameless example of politics ruling over performance." Could not have said it better myself.

Finally my last "winner" are New Orleans Saints fans and the sense of entitlement that they seem to have over other teams. This has not been a controlled experience for me, but something that I have witnessed several times, and frankly can not understand. First experience was a guy at Applebees who would celebrate and talk trash every time Drew Brees completed a pass, you can ask Smooth-O and Wolf more about that one cause the comments were directed more towards them. But last night was ridiculous, mind you this was going on while the Bears were well in the lead.....Pierre Thomas carry for 2 yards, STANDING OVATION!!!!!!! They went nuts everytime a Saints players scratched his nuts well. I say this because I come from a fan base known for drunk, loud and obnoxious fans, but it is also the fan base of a team who has a few trophies in their display case. O by the way New Orleans....Trent Dilfer-1 Archie Manning-0!!!

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far from the Hall of Famer

I'm not one to typically salivate over YouTube videos of high school freshmen - Chris Hanson is awesome, but I don't really ever want to have to meet him - but how can you not after watching this video of Barry Sanders, Jr. - the son of exactly the guy you think he's the son of.



Maybe Barry finally just came out of retirement. I know genetics mean a lot, but can two people in the same family really be that talented? Jeffrey Jordan and Pete Rose, Jr would beg to differ.

Granted, it is only high school, but that was still just ridiculous. Hopefully Barry, Sr. can keep his son away from the Stoops.

Hot Stove

Even though Wham!'s "Last Christmas" (yes, I am that manly) is blaring out of my laptop's speakers, it doesn't mean that there is no baseball news. MLB's annual Winter Meetings wrapped up today, and the big news of course is the Yankees' acquisition of C.C. Sabathia for more than some island nations' annual GDP, and the Mets signing of K-Rod for much less than what many were predicting he'd net.

In the land of the Midwest, though, the nationwide recession actually means something. The only really big name floating around our region is the Cubs' on again-off again interest in former Cy Young winner Jake Peavy. Just because the big names aren't flying around like gnats to Rosie O'Donell doesn't mean that teams here are packing it in and prepping for 2010. Here's a look at what teams in the region are (or should be) up to:




Needs: left handed stick - preferably in the OF, a pair of starting pitchers, either a closer or depth in middle relief

Thus far: re-upped Ryan Dempster, crossing off one of their needs on the mound. Traded for Kevin Gregg and then Let Kerry Wood walk away, creating a void in their 'pen.

Analysis: Dempster returns to a formidable rotation that includes Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden and Ted Lilly. Already one of the best rotations in the NL, but after going 0-6 in the playoffs the past two years, still isn't enough. Jake Peavy is certainly intriguing, but can the Cubs afford to add 16 mil a year to a payroll that is already one of the highest in baseball? Indications would be no. The past two years the Cubs finally had a reliable arm at the end of games, and as a result made the postseason both years. That is not an accident. Maybe Carlos Marmol or Jeff Samardzija will pan out, but it seems like a huge risk to take. The outfield situation is also touchy; Kosuke Fukudome was a bust and will be platooning with spark-plug Reed Johnson in center. The team desperately needs a left handed hitting power bat to play center or right.

Prediction: The Cubs don't trade for Peavy, but instead elect to sign a lower-level free agent like Randy Wolf, Brad Penny, or Randy Johnson and then dump Jason Marquis to whoever will take him. Indications are that Marmol will close and Gregg and Samardzija will set-up. The Cubs will sign or trade for a big bat, they have to. Prediction: Adam Dunn.




Needs: Pitching, Youth.

Thus far: Traded Nick Swisher to the Yankees for Wilson Betemit and prospects, traded Javier Vazquez for prospects.

Analysis: A team in transition, but considering weakness of division, should still contend in (and should be favored to win) division. The contrast between the Senior-discount White Sox and the student-discount Rays in the LDS last year was alarming. Chicago was old and relied heavily on pitching well (good idea) and hitting bombs (bad idea). The team, though, is not completely committed to youth, as they are hot on the trails of Bobby Abreu, likely to replace Jermaine Dye who they are trying to trade to the Reds for Homer Bailey (who looks exactly like Christian Bale). Pitching is the key, as the starting rotation now features two guys - Clayton Richard and Lance Broadway - who have started a total of 9 games.

Prediction: The team trades away Jermaine Dye for pitching, and signs a high OBP or average guy to replace him.




Needs: Relief - middle and closer, middle infield, starting pitcher

Thus far: Signed lefty specialist Trever Miller to a one-year deal, helping to shore up relief. Traded for SS Khalil Greene, replacing defensive-minded Cesar Izturis.

Analysis: The Cardinals already have the big bats (Pujols, Ludwick, Ankiel, Molina) and the top of the rotation starters (Carpenter, Wainwright, Lohse) but have major holes in both the closer spot, and lefthanded specialty relief. The team also needs a higher caliber fifth starter to push Joel Pineiro to either someone else's roster or the 'pen. The acquisition of Khalil Greene is huge for St. Louis not because of his bat per se, but the upgrade he represents over Cesar Izturis. Greene should be slotted into the lineup in front of Pujols pushing power bats like Ludwick and Ankiel into more natural spots late in the rotation. This team's problem was blowing games, especially in the ninth inning. Young guns Chris Perez and Jason Motte should close the door better than Isringhausen did, but this team needs to find an established closer for a year or two to provide a much needed band-aid.

Prediction: Cardinals platoon at second with Adam Kennedy and Aaron Miles, sign Brian Fuentes to a two year deal, leave Joel Pineiro in the rotation and acquire via trade another lefthanded reliever.





Needs: Patience, starting pitching, middle relief, power.

Thus far: Acquired Coco Crisp from "The Naaation" (sorry, I hate that guy, too), Mike Jacobs from the fish, signed Horacio Ramirez and Kyle Farnsworth.

Analysis: Thus far, a really productive offseason. Jacobs adds power to what could be a formidable heart of the lineup in Alex Gordon-Jacobs-Jose Guillen. The addition of Horacio Ramirez would be a good depth addition to the 'pen (if he isn't used in the rotation) and Kyle Farnsworth is a legit set-up man in front of all-star Joakim Soria. If the pitching comes through, this team will actually be pretty decent, and considering the state of the AL Central in 2009, contention certainly is not outside of the realm of possibility.

Prediction: The Royals trade either Jose Guillen or depth in the outfield or at first base/DH for another starting pitcher.

Graham Harrell Snubbed???....CMON!!!

As I was sitting around preparing for my upcoming finals and listening about our recent failing economy, which included C.C. Sabathia receiving a 7 year 161 million dollar deal from the Yankees. I received news about something even more outrageous, Graham Harrell received the ultimate "Heisman" and was not invited to the festivities in New York.......COME ON!!!!!!!!!! What else does this guy really have to do? Throw for 4000+ yards and 40+ TD's........o wait check!!!!


Get Your BIF's Up!!!!!!!

I will take nothing away from what the other 3 candidates did.....absolutely nothing, but if "My Little Pony" Brennan can get a nod last year, why can't a guy who, while not putting up the same numbers, putting up incredible numbers against 10 times the talent. Graham Harrell put up almost 4,800 yards against the best division in the NCAA (Big-12 South) and won't even sniff the ceremony, instead will get a sweet consolation prize and study for finals. I get the fact that he is part of a "system" and a lot of people look down upon that, but let's be honest if the committee cared about that they wouldn't have given a guy the trophy solely on the fact that he poached 20+ TD's from his running backs and led his team to a stellar 9-4 season.


Just WOW!!! Also, to comment
on the Tebow douchiness I will site
the previous blog

Look, I'm not saying the guy deserves the award, but with the numbers Harrell has put up and leading his team to a 11-1 record, why not give him a little more respect than getting to watch Colt McCoy win the Davey O' Brien trophy, I mean it's like kissing your cousin, yeah you got some but dude.....CMON!!!!!


Mr. F!!!!

Kill Yourself

As I boldly venture away from our target zone of the cultured Midwest and enter the vast, delusional wasteland that is the Southeast (Home of the SEC!!!) I discover this video. This video, which I grabbed from With Leather, is the sole reason why Lumiere and Edison invented motion picture, and why Al Gore invented the internet.

After watching that, I really wish Satan himself (Nick Saban) won the SEC.

Just a few of my first impressions:

1. Socks and sandles - great if you are a ninja, but Farley was more convincing as a ninja than this guy.

2. Chin, rat tail hair thing - just, I mean, wow!

3. Receiver gloves on the main "rapper" - why? I don't think this guy has the talent to catch herpes, much less a pigskin.

4. Dude in the background doing Tai-Chi and making a "T" gesture with hand - hopefully that "T" is for "terrible," which would aptly describe both that guys moves (if you want to call them that) and Tim Tebow's prospects as a pro.

5. The guy in the background wearing a number 7 Gators jersey - Tim Tebow, the same Tim Tebow you felt the need to go into the jungle and prance around like the second coming of Elaine Benez for, wears number 15. Danny Wuerffel was soooo long ago, broseph, you look like you had to have been in the seventh grade (for the third time) back when that guy was at the helm.

Look, I understand the crazy things everyone tends to do for their favorite teams. I have a buddy that brings numerous props to every Mizzou football game, a former roommate that would make a hand gesture every time his pitcher had a two-strike count, and a current roommate that has a lucky hat. When I played hockey, even I would have to put my pads on in the same sequence.

However, if any of my buddies ever got the urge to go out into the woods, put on a Danny Wuerffel jersey and make a horrible umm rap(?) about a Heisman trophy winner, I would disown them. Sorry. There's a thin line between being a douchebag and being an intense fan, and these guys are way over it.

The Alamo Bowl Preview

With Missouri finishing off a disappointing yet successful 2008-09 football campaign, they will be facing off against the beloved Northwestern Wildcats. Both teams posted a 9 win season and will both be fighting for that ever sought after 10th win. Now, some of you may be saying....10 wins, come on Drunk, a lot of teams win 10 games. True, but that 10th win will mean more to these 2 schools than what meets the eye.

In Missouri's case, they have NEVER posted back to back 10+ win seasons, and a win over the Wildcats will bring them just that. On the Northwestern side, they have not won a bowl game since 1949, and bringing home their 10th win will allow them to break away from that karma.

The number 10 will mean more to these two teams than just win totals, the number 10 also is significant because of the players it represents, former Heisman hopeful and finalist Chase Daniel and future Hall of Famer Eric Peterman. Both of these guys are the anchors of very impressive spread offenses, but which one will carry their team to the finish line.
vs.

With the battle of these two epic titans carries out on the field, there will be more question marks swirling around in the air. Can Pat Fitzgerald put the clamps on the high powered Mizzou offense? Can Mizzou's weak secondary come up big and secure their 3rd bowl victory in 4 years? With these two teams it is all going to come down to defense, who can stop who and how. ESPN has already labeled this as possibly the best non-BCS game, and I feel it will live up to the hype that has surrounded it.

A Recap of the College Football Season

Now that the college football season is over and we are headed into the bowl season, I have a few thoughts, comments, and overall observations that have been made.

I feel that for the first time in awhile that the all 5 of the BCS games look like pretty good contests. My predictions: USC over Penn St.; Alabama over Utah; Cincy vs. Va Tech, no one watches or cares; Texas over THE Ohio St.; Oklahoma over Florida.

Notre Dame took the always sought after Hawaii Bowl bid to face....you guessed it Hawaii. Either not alot of bowls wanted Notre Dame or Charlie needed to work on his tan. I really can't wait until I turn on my TV and don't have to hear 50 sports writers screaming about why Notre Dame kept Charlie Weis. No one cares anymore!!!! Look I get it, Notre Dame is a great football tradition, and used to be really good like 50 years ago, even as a fan I am sick of the broken record. Why don't we talk about something more exciting like........paint drying or the World Series of Poker.

RETURN TO GLORY!!!!!!

After watching the Big-12 championship game I have to come to finally notice that referee's are in fact scared of Bob Stoops. While I'm not here to make excuses, Oklahoma is much better than Mizzou, but COME ON!!!!! The guy was just given 15 yards pretty much whenever the refs deemed necessary, and of course my favorite the infamous injury timeout with 10 seconds left on the play clock. Unless Demarcus Granger shanked a teammate (not too unlikely) it should have been a charged timeout. I feel Bob Stoops is like the girl who threatens you with a sexual harassment law suit at your job.......you might be nice, hell you might even be mean, but you will never screw them again.

The ACC and Big East conferences should be placed somewhere on an island or desert until basketball season, because right now they are just taking up space for more Big-12 and SEC schools in the BCS. While both conferences have GOOD teams, none of them are worthy of a BCS bid, so yet another year of a sloppy Orange Bowl (Thanks KU). While the score will be close, the game will reek of day old prom night vommit leaving me feeling more disappointed than after the punchline of a Family Guy joke......c'mon how dumb are we as a society that we laugh at something that someone else said 10 years ago......every week!!!!!

You think that's bad, remember
when they let KU in the Orange Bowl?

And finally, the BCS system.....I am here taking a stand that there is no need for a playoff system. A few tweaks here and there, such as no teams outside of the top 10 or no conference limit. With these tweaks, it would allow for much better games, no need for a playoff. The reason the college football season is so important is that it makes every game that important. With a playoff, a Penn St. loss to Iowa or USC loss to Oregon St. is meaningless, because they still have a shot. What would be the point of Oklahoma showing up for the Big-12 Championship, they still make the playoffs. Every win and every moment when it comes to elite games are special, a playoff could make college football as unappealing as the NFL, please college football don't do that.

Greene to St. Louis...ALRIGHT HAMILTON!!!

Earlier this week, after signing lefty reliever Trevor Miller, the Cardinals went out and made another major move, trading for Padre SS Khalil Greene. Many of you may not know exactly who Khalil Greene is, outside of the fact that he pretty much is identical to Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. If this is all you know about the guy let me fill ya in on a little secret, he can play baseball too.


Yeah, it's pretty close!!!

Well, to fill everyone in on Khalil Greene, he is a career .248 hitter, who also averages about 16 HR a year along with about 65 RBI's a year. Compared to what Cesar Izturis provided the team last year, it is more than an improvement. Greene did have a very below average last year, due to the fact that he was injured for most of the season. But don't let the low power numbers fool you with Greene, let us not forget he played in probably the biggest pitcher's park in the MLB and has excelled as a hitter away from Petco. Not to mention, the Cards did not give up the franchise to get this guy, so really not that big of a deal if he doesn't pan out, but look for him to put up some pretty solid numbers.

Drunk's Winner's of the Week

This is a little something special that I used to do during my days as the co-host of a late night college public radio show. Needless to say, I have moved up to a unappreciated and unknown free blog, yay for me. But the idea of this segment is to basically provide you with individuals or groups having good/bad weeks and a brief explanation.

Winner: Oklahoma Football, Oklahoma moved ahead of Texas in the BCS ranking making them the 2008 Big-12 South champions and putting them into the Big-12 title game and more than likely, the National Championship. While there are many out there who feel the system was corrupt.....GET OVER IT!!! Texas is now guranteed a BCS berth and if Mizzou pulls the upset will be cruise their way into a shot at the BCS Title game.

"Winner": Plaxico Burress, just when I didn't think anything else bad could happen to the G-Men this year enter, Plaxico Burress and his own worst enemy...his ego. Let's be honest, how many people in an NYC night club are going to have beef with this guy? You don't need a gun man, and if you are in enough danger to need enforcement, hire a body guard who knows what a safety is or just don't go out. P.S. Good Aim!!!

Winner: The V-Foundation, in case some of you are unaware of what the V-Foundation is a foundation set up in memory of former college basketball coach Jim Valvano, who died of cancer. The foundation is set up to help find a cure for cancer and spread cancer awareness. Every year ESPN devotes one week to the cause by having Jimmy V week, during this week ESPN has a variety of basketball games and tributes in memory of the deceased coach and helps to get donations for the foundation that has raised 80 million dollars for cancer research.

Don't give up.....Don't EVER GIVE UP!!!

"Winner": Notre Dame/Auburn, Notre Dame can't get rid of their coach because of the contract they gave him so he could be there forever. And Auburn gets rid of the guy who pretty much saved their program from falling out of the college football lime light. This is only scratching the surface of the chaos provided by the NCAA this week.

"Winner": Sean Avery, you were just slapped with a 6 game suspension because you had an opinion about everything, that no one wanted to or cared about hearing. Good thing women love shoes Sean, so when you fall out of relevance in the NHL you have that "normal" part of your life going for ya.

Winner: Sean Avery, let's be honest, we would all take this guys sloppy 56th's if it was available

DUDE........NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Finally THE BIGGEST "WINNER" OF THE WEEK:

OJ Simpson, dude, you finally going to jail, and thank GOD we had to hear your sob story about how you just wanted to get your belongings back and how you didn't want to hurt anybody. You had a gun, people don't have guns that don't intend to use them as force......well of course except the before mentioned Plaxico Burress.

Famous Sloppy Seconds

I've been pretty lax on the posting recently, but this whole Sean Avery deal has become like an inspiration. In case you're unfamiliar with the situation, the Dallas Stars winger has been suspended for six games and ordered to undergo counseling because of comments made regarding ex-girlfriend/actress Elisha Cuthbert (pictured with Avery above) and Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf, referencing the term "sloppy seconds" in the process.

More here, courtesy of the WWL:http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/news/story?id=3747105

But this got me to thinking, there's got to be oodles of sloppy second-type instances out there in the sports world. So without further adieu, here goes.

"The Flea Kicker"

A painful memory for the Mizzou faithful, but the Huskers were late to the party. The Tigers had already been fist-fucked by karma over a half-decade earlier. Way to come late to the party and prolong the agony, douchebags.



Mark Mangino

Let's face it, the big fella's just piggybacking off the earlier success of a large, blue clad actress. Remember "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?"





I rest my case.

Red Sox fan suffering

Listen up, Massholes. You folks, up until 2004, were bitching and bitching and bitching about how cursed you were and how you were due for a title because you were so loyal and waited so long. So from a die-hard Cubs fan, let me politely tell you all to fuck off. And now that you've won, you're absolutely insufferable. I used to empathize. Now I hope the whole lot of you develop a severe case of crotch rot.

Now that I've started a list, feel free to add to it in the comments section. There's got to be more that I'm missing.

Maybe I'm Just Too Smart

I’d like to apologize in advance for being such a cliché, but here is my case, check that my presentation, as to why an eight team playoff would be better for the NCAA than the current BCS format. With a stroke of genius, I have concocted what I believe to be is an original idea (at least I’ve never seen it before) for solving the BCS versus playoff dilemma.

To describe my plan in a word: compromise. I really think this combines a usefulness for the BCS formula, the tradition of the bowl games, and the fairness and the excitement of a playoff system.

Without further adieu, here is an outline as to how my playoff system would break down:

- 8 teams

- 6 BCS conference champions plus two at large selections for the top 2 remaining schools.

- The Notre Dame and small conference exemptions get bumped up from no. 14 in the BCS to no. 8

- New Years Day and either the day before or the day after (depending on the day of the week) will each feature 2 quarterfinals. Each quarterfinal would be the bowl game as currently constituted. Thus, the winner of each current quarterfinal would be the respective bowl’s champion and receive the bowl’s trophy, the stats would go into each respective bowl game’s record books, and each bowl can keep the tradition of playing on or around New Years Day. Each bowl would also be allowed to take a conference champion that it has a historical affiliation with, as long as said champion is a top 4 team and isn’t playing another top 4 team. Thus, the games don’t necessarily have to pair up 1-8, 2-7 etc., but cannot pair two top 4 teams.

- Two semifinals would be played the following week at either the traditional bowl sites, or (to make it more interesting) in other Super Bowl like cities/stadiums.

- The National Championship would be played a week after the semifinals at one of the bowl sites, and would rotate, just as it does now. The only difference here is that it would be played a week later than it is currently.

While not perfect (and nothing ever will be), this system is more fair, strays very little from tradition (I’m looking at you, Rose Bowl), adds two more high caliber college football games to the bowl season schedule (meaning more $$$), and offers a more tested champion. Also, it places a greater emphasis on conference play, and allows for one bad game in early September to be excusable. And finally, and most importantly, we’d never have an Auburn situation again - no undefeated big conference champion would ever miss out on a chance to play for the title again because a bunch of SIDs and computers didn’t allow them to. Aside from one or two (and sometimes zero) at large spots, opinions would be left out, other than for seeding purposes. Its simple - you win your conference - you’re 180 minutes from a national title.

Let’s take a look at how this system would shake out for 2008:

I’m going to predict Florida, Oklahoma, Boston College and USC all win their conferences this weekend, Utah would be ranked in the top 8 making them an automatic berth, and Texas would get selected in front of Alabama for the sole at-large spot. Cincinnati and Penn State have already clinched.

The seedings, using the BCS (so it’s still relevant) with those 8 teams would look like this:
1. Florida
2. Oklahoma
3. Texas
4. USC
5. Penn State
6. Utah
7. Cincinnati
8. Boston College

Then the bowl selections. Remember the bowls have the option to select one team from their historical affiliation, so there is no order with the top 4 picks. The remaining four picks would go in order just like they do currently (this year: Rose - Fiesta - Sugar - Orange):

Sugar Bowl:
Would take top seeded Florida, and then select seventh seeded Cincinnati.

Fiesta Bowl:
Would take second seeded Oklahoma, then would take sixth seeded Utah.

Rose Bowl:
Would take fourth seeded USC, then would take fifth seeded Penn State (and preserve traditional game)

Orange Bowl:
Would take third seeded Texas, then select eighth seeded Boston College.

The quarterfinal winners would be bracketed into a semi-final before the teams are even announced (just like basketball). I’ll randomly select the Sugar to meet the Fiesta and the Rose to meet the Orange. Also, I’d love to see these games be played in other cities that feature either warm weather or a dome, unless that is also just too big of a hang-up for the bowl committees. I’ll say Tampa and Detroit get the semi-finals.

Tampa semifinal:
Florida over Oklahoma

Detroit semifinal:
Texas over USC

Wow. Who wouldn’t want to see two more games like that?!

Then the championship game would be played in Dolphin Stadium in Miami, just like it is set up currently.

National Championship (Miami, Florida)
Texas vs. Florida

Granted, I picked the favored team every time - which makes this look a little less exciting that it actually probably would be. An upset would really throw a monkey wrench into things. What if Cincinnati won it all? Or Utah? Sure some people would probably bitch and moan about how a team like Cincy or BC would make the regular season look unimportant, but these were probably the same people that were out buying George Mason hats a few years back when that team had its magical run to the Final Four. The regular season would still mean a ton, yet one loss because of an injury or bad weather or what not would not necessarily preclude a team from winning it all.

Again, maybe someone has laid this out before and I just never saw it. I didn’t steal it. But if you want to, steal the idea from me. Especially if you’re an athletic director at a major university. I’m a college football fan, I want more games, I want more big match-ups, most of all I want more than one bowl game to actually mean something. I want the upsets, I want to see the dominant teams to prove themselves. I don’t want to see Ohio State coast through the Big Ten and then get tested for the first time in the National Championship Game. I don’t want to see a proven Auburn team not have a chance. I want a playoff. I want this playoff. How about you?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

A look at what sinks and what swims during conference championship week (or just week 15 for you pussy conferences).

Going: Oklahoma - to the Big 12 Championship. The co-hottest team in college football (along with Florida) won the lottery that was the Big 12’s South division and will play for the glass bedpan that is the Big 12 trophy. Seriously, are you supposed to piss in that thing or put it in a trophy case? Judging by Oklahoma’s recent performance in BCS bowls (against such powers as West Virginia and Boise State) they seem to wait to take a piss until early January. My guess: Oklahoma comes out flat against Missouri, but out-muscles and out-plays the Tigers en route to a two touchdown win over a banged up (mentally and physically) Tiger squad and earn a berth in the National Championship, where their lack of any defense will catch up to them against Team Tebow, and we’ll all have to hear how great the SEC is for another year because one of its teams won a bowl game.



Staying/Going: Texas. On one hand, they were not the pretty girl at the dance and will have to watch two teams they beat play on TV for the Big 12 title. On the other, they’ve essentially secured a berth in a BCS bowl, and will have to try and use that as well as the fact that every kid who grows up in that huge state of theirs dreams of one day playing for them as points to make on recruiting trips. Gee, I feel so sorry for them. Here’s an idea: what if Missouri wins? As far-fetched as it may look, Missouri really is only sixty minutes away from beating an Oklahoma team that doesn’t exactly have the best track record in big games over the last decade, and if that were to happen Texas would be playing the winner of the semi-final in Atlanta for that glass football (as well as that wooden uhhh thing that NCAA gives out - really wooden plaques are still cool in 2008). If Missouri gets steam-rolled as scripted then Texas gets to lay an Ike Turner like beating on either Utah or Cincinnati in the Fiesta Bowl.

Going: Texas fans. Quit your bitching. Yes it is a raw deal, and yes it sucks. But at the same time - trust me, there is definitely no conspiracy against Texas. That’s like Brett Favre saying the NFL hates him because he doesn’t play enough prime-time games. It’s oxymoronic. Stop acting like a Thetan conquered by Xenu and realize that in your situation a head to head match-up means dick. It was a three way tie. Tres. Drei. Tre. San. Not that I would expect a Texas fan to be able to count to three (and judging by your world-famous hand signal you can't), but I would expect someone who is a fan of such a tradition-rich program to be cognizant of how a three way tie works. You all had one loss, you all beat each other. Someone’s name had to be picked out of a hat and it wasn’t yours and it wasn’t Tech’s. Longhorn fan, vamoose!

Going: to suck… yet again - the toilet bowl that is the ACC football championship game. I love championship games in almost every case, just not this one. Props to the ACC for actually having 12 decent teams, shit on the ACC for not having one good one. The result: a repeat of last year’s epic showdown between reigning champion Virgina Tech and reigning former home of Flutie Flakes - Boston College. This game had such a draw last year that attendance dropped by nearly 10,000 for the third year in a row. The slightly smaller venue of Raymond-complete-with-pirate-ship-James-Stadium will host this game, thus placing a few hundred more miles between these two campuses and the culmination of their team’s championship caliber seasons that dozens will bother to show up to. Within two years this game will be played at a middle school - and still not be able to sell out the 600 person bleacher there. Good conference!!!

Staying: home for the bowl season - football powerhouses Michigan, Tennessee, and Auburn. Michigan should never, and I mean ever go 3-9 with the talent it pulls in. However, not being bowl eligible is certainly excusable to a program that is completely changing the way it does business on offense - as long as it comes to fruition as something big in the preferably near future. Tennessee and Auburn, though??? These schools? These teams had talent and the Vols had the stability that Michigan didn’t have. Tony Franklin’s attempt at bringing the spread to the southland was as effective as me trying to use a credit card there (hey Ole Miss - its 2008 an ATM would be appreciated). Auburn absolutely tanked - no other word to use there an utter utter disappointment. Tennessee certainly was not as good as most thought they could be, but no one predicted them to win the SEC (like I did, sadly, with Auburn). Auburn and Tennessee along with the inability of LSU to reload, and the not-ready-for-primetime team UGA, will really put a check on the credibility of the SEC’s strength should its champion lose in the National Title Game. Even if Florida or Alabama shells Oklahoma or Texas in Miami, the SEC was down - way down - and for the first time in a while was clearly not the best conference in the nation, and it has only these teams to blame. Especially Auburn.

Going: The Swagger at “The U.” This was supposed to be a come back to relativity season for Miami, but it looked more like a Notre Dame-like Return to Glory. The days of that team stepping off the plane in Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl dressed in jungle camo are looooooong gone. The fact that this team gets amazing athletes combined with the fact that the ACC is dog shit will eventually mean that Miami will be very good again. This year, the fact is though, that Miami was no better than a fourth place team in its own division, and lost two conference games to NC State and a bunch of insects from Atlanta to keep them away from Tampa. The only way this team gets its swagger back right now is if they use a lot of LL Cool J and Brian Urlacher inspired Old Spice.

"In the words of the clash: 'Should I stay or should I rock the casbah?'" - Thanks Hank