Going: Oklahoma - to the Big 12 Championship. The co-hottest team in college football (along with Florida) won the lottery that was the Big 12’s South division and will play for the glass bedpan that is the Big 12 trophy. Seriously, are you supposed to piss in that thing or put it in a trophy case? Judging by Oklahoma’s recent performance in BCS bowls (against such powers as West Virginia and Boise State) they seem to wait to take a piss until early January. My guess: Oklahoma comes out flat against Missouri, but out-muscles and out-plays the Tigers en route to a two touchdown win over a banged up (mentally and physically) Tiger squad and earn a berth in the National Championship, where their lack of any defense will catch up to them against Team Tebow, and we’ll all have to hear how great the SEC is for another year because one of its teams won a bowl game.
Staying/Going: Texas. On one hand, they were not the pretty girl at the dance and will have to watch two teams they beat play on TV for the Big 12 title. On the other, they’ve essentially secured a berth in a BCS bowl, and will have to try and use that as well as the fact that every kid who grows up in that huge state of theirs dreams of one day playing for them as points to make on recruiting trips. Gee, I feel so sorry for them. Here’s an idea: what if Missouri wins? As far-fetched as it may look, Missouri really is only sixty minutes away from beating an Oklahoma team that doesn’t exactly have the best track record in big games over the last decade, and if that were to happen Texas would be playing the winner of the semi-final in Atlanta for that glass football (as well as that wooden uhhh thing that NCAA gives out - really wooden plaques are still cool in 2008). If Missouri gets steam-rolled as scripted then Texas gets to lay an Ike Turner like beating on either Utah or Cincinnati in the Fiesta Bowl.
Going: Texas fans. Quit your bitching. Yes it is a raw deal, and yes it sucks. But at the same time - trust me, there is definitely no conspiracy against Texas. That’s like Brett Favre saying the NFL hates him because he doesn’t play enough prime-time games. It’s oxymoronic. Stop acting like a Thetan conquered by Xenu and realize that in your situation a head to head match-up means dick. It was a three way tie. Tres. Drei. Tre. San. Not that I would expect a Texas fan to be able to count to three (and judging by your world-famous hand signal you can't), but I would expect someone who is a fan of such a tradition-rich program to be cognizant of how a three way tie works. You all had one loss, you all beat each other. Someone’s name had to be picked out of a hat and it wasn’t yours and it wasn’t Tech’s. Longhorn fan, vamoose!
Going: to suck… yet again - the toilet bowl that is the ACC football championship game. I love championship games in almost every case, just not this one. Props to the ACC for actually having 12 decent teams, shit on the ACC for not having one good one. The result: a repeat of last year’s epic showdown between reigning champion Virgina Tech and reigning former home of Flutie Flakes - Boston College. This game had such a draw last year that attendance dropped by nearly 10,000 for the third year in a row. The slightly smaller venue of Raymond-complete-with-pirate-ship-James-Stadium will host this game, thus placing a few hundred more miles between these two campuses and the culmination of their team’s championship caliber seasons that dozens will bother to show up to. Within two years this game will be played at a middle school - and still not be able to sell out the 600 person bleacher there. Good conference!!!
Staying: home for the bowl season - football powerhouses Michigan, Tennessee, and Auburn. Michigan should never, and I mean ever go 3-9 with the talent it pulls in. However, not being bowl eligible is certainly excusable to a program that is completely changing the way it does business on offense - as long as it comes to fruition as something big in the preferably near future. Tennessee and Auburn, though??? These schools? These teams had talent and the Vols had the stability that Michigan didn’t have. Tony Franklin’s attempt at bringing the spread to the southland was as effective as me trying to use a credit card there (hey Ole Miss - its 2008 an ATM would be appreciated). Auburn absolutely tanked - no other word to use there an utter utter disappointment. Tennessee certainly was not as good as most thought they could be, but no one predicted them to win the SEC (like I did, sadly, with Auburn). Auburn and Tennessee along with the inability of LSU to reload, and the not-ready-for-primetime team UGA, will really put a check on the credibility of the SEC’s strength should its champion lose in the National Title Game. Even if Florida or Alabama shells Oklahoma or Texas in Miami, the SEC was down - way down - and for the first time in a while was clearly not the best conference in the nation, and it has only these teams to blame. Especially Auburn.
Going: The Swagger at “The U.” This was supposed to be a come back to relativity season for Miami, but it looked more like a Notre Dame-like Return to Glory. The days of that team stepping off the plane in Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl dressed in jungle camo are looooooong gone. The fact that this team gets amazing athletes combined with the fact that the ACC is dog shit will eventually mean that Miami will be very good again. This year, the fact is though, that Miami was no better than a fourth place team in its own division, and lost two conference games to NC State and a bunch of insects from Atlanta to keep them away from Tampa. The only way this team gets its swagger back right now is if they use a lot of LL Cool J and Brian Urlacher inspired Old Spice.
"In the words of the clash: 'Should I stay or should I rock the casbah?'" - Thanks Hank
2 comments:
Brian Urlacher thinks you should duel.
Dude I'd like to beat Brian Urlacher in something. Too bad he even owns in badminton (as seen on tv). I dunno maybe internet solitaire? That's a two player game right???
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